I leave you with the words of an insightful African American woman poet. You seem determined to go down your path, I hope it turns out well, but if it does not...

"Yourself to Blame"

by Mayme White Miller

If things go bad for you

And make you a bit ashamed

Often you will find out that

You have yourself to blame

Swiftly we ran to mischief

And then the bad luck came

Why do we fault others?

We have ourselves to blame

Whatever happens to us,

Here is what we say

“Had it not been for so-and-so

Things wouldn’t have gone that way.”

And if you are short of friends,

I’ll tell you what to do

Make an examination,

You’ll find the faults in you…

You are the captain of your ship,

So agree with the same

If you travel downward

You have yourself to blame